Sexy Mama -Sex During and After Pregnancy

True Love

By Sharon Olds

In the middle of the night, when we get up
after making love, we look at each other in
complete friendship, we know so fully
what the other has been doing. Bound to each other
like mountaineers coming down from a mountain,
bound with the tie of the delivery room,
we wander down the hall to the bathroom, I can
hardly walk, I wobble through the granular
shadowless air, I know where you are
with my eyes closed, we are bound to each other
with huge invisible threads, our sexes
muted, exhausted, crushed, the whole
body a sex—surely this
is the most blessed time of my life,
our children asleep in their beds, each fate
like a vein of abiding mineral
not discovered yet. I sit
on the toilet in the night, you are somewhere in the room,
I open the window and snow has fallen in a
steep drift, against the pane, I
look up, into it,
a wall of cold crystals, silent
and glistening, I quietly call to you
and you come and hold my hand and I say
I cannot see beyond it. I cannot see beyond it.

Now you are pregnant

Is it safe to have sex?

Morrin Bass, HypnoBirthing class New York

Questions about sex during pregnancy frequently include  2 categories:

1. Father-to-be concerns about health of the baby, and 2. overall safety concerns about pregnancy.


1st Trimester

It is safe to have vaginal sex during pregnancy until late in the third trimester. In the third trimester having vaginal sex can trigger labor.

In early pregnancy some women may have difficulties concentrating on sex, because of noxiousness and tiredness, due to hormonal restructuring in her body. She may feel extra tired, fatigued, bothered by smells, breast swelling, extra sensitivity in her body, sensitive to touch, intestinal difficulties. But don’t worry,  soon those feeling let go. Now you are free to have sex, as much as you want.

She is naturally vulnerable during pregnancy and sexual attraction expressed from her partner during pregnancy is an important factor in keeping her calm and concentrate on positive thoughts.

Evolutionary, and antropo-biologists confirm this, that beginning pregnant moms begin to look for a male protector, not a lover. So a non-pregnant  partner needs to begin to express the love desires in other various ways that are appreciated by the pregnant mom. For example, clean up the house, or do the shopping. She does appreciate it and begins to feel generous for you.

2nd Trimester

Sensuality comes back in the second trimester. It is safe to have sex during the first two trimesters. It is healthy to have your love making regularly. Oxytocin, the natural hormone of love, created during the love making, helps keep mother in good shape both physically and emotionally. She feels generous toward her partner and expresses herself easily.

In the second trimester a woman may become multi-orgasmic. Here inflow of Oxytocin is very high. Love hormones play wonderful lubrication and smoothing role in her desiring more sex than before.

This is a general recommendation, and all based on assumption you are healthy and have a healthy pregnancy. If you have questions, you must consult with your doctor.

3rd Trimester

The third trimester, vaginal sex may cause labor. The prostaglandin contained in the semen softens the cervix and may trigger pre-term labor late in third trimester. However, as labor starts, it is a wonderful enjoyable tool to avoid pain and soften cervix and it is good for you, and good for the baby.

HypnoBirthing class, New York Awareness Center

There are certain recommendations for the healthy sex life during pregnancy. studies of sex show that women look at men as equal partners in sex (NY Times Sunday).

Evidence points to having a healthy sex life as a way to promote healthy living. Leave alone regularly and especially during your pregnancy:

Reasons for Having Sex DURING PREGNANCY:

1. Exercise. “Sexual activity is a form of physical exercise,” according to Dr. Michael Cirigliano of the University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine. Making love three times a week burns around 7,500 calories.

2. Heavy Deep Breathing. A night of love can raise the amount of oxygen in cells, helping to keep organs and tissues functioning at their peak. This is very healthy for the baby as well.

3. Strong Bones and Muscles. “Any kind of physical exercise is going to increase testosterone,” states Dr. Karen Donahey, director of the Sex and Marital Therapy Program at Chicago’s Northwestern University Medical Center.

4. Lowered Cholesterol. Making love regularly can lower levels of the body’s total cholesterol slightly, while positively changing the ratio of good-to-bad cholesterol.

5. Pain Relief. Endorphins produced during love-making can lower levels of all kinds of pain, lowering blood pressure and redistributing blood levels to their normal range.

6. Hormones inflow –  Without Supplements. DHEA (dehydroepiandrosterone), Oxytocin, endorphins and other needed hormones are released into the blood stream, lowering the level of catecholamine, adrenaline and other blood clotting components, for healthy body.

7. Reproductive organs protection and exercise both for men and women is said to be recirculation more hormonal balance if the sex life is regular.

8. Stress Relief. “Sex can be a very effective way of reducing stress levels,” Dr. Donahey adds.Couple in bed Reading no sex

9. Love Will Keep Us Together. Crenshaw says affectionate touch will increase levels of oxytocin — the “bonding hormone.” Oxytocin is a desire-enhancing chemical secreted by the pituitary. Regular oxytocin release may help encourage frequent lovemaking.

10. Hormones -protect our health – Naturally. “Regular lovemaking can increase a woman’s estrogen level, protect her heart and keep her vaginal tissues more supple,” states Donahey.

SOURCE: Men’s Health (November 1997, p. 104-108)

It is good to know, that sex can progress the stalled labor. Prostaglandin contained in semen is an important component of softening and lubricating the cervix in the third trimester in order for faster effacing (thinning phase) and opening the cervix for the baby delivery.

Sex After Birthing

When is it safe to start again?

HypnoBirthing New York Awareness Center, Morrin Bass

It is suggested that 4-6 weeks after birth there might be a decline of libido.  It is normal.

If you had a healthy pregnancy and a calm birth with no tears and no complications, you feel fine, there is no medical reason to abstain from sex for 6 week.

It is observed that it takes approximately six weeks for the uterus to return to “normal” size after vaginal birth. Yes, it does return to normal size.

Sometimes we see in practice, however, is that some women are emotionally and physically ready for intercourse much earlier. Williams Obstetrics, a respected text, states: “following an uncomplicated delivery, a six-week abstinence from intercourse makes little sense. It can be safely resumed in as little as three weeks or when comfort can be maintained”.

What happens to my libido?

Provided you had a libido with your partner before pregnancy and birth and were interested in sex in your without the baby relationship it will come back after a while. Use hypnosis and self-hypnosis that you learn in your HypnoBirthing class to evoke sensations of desire and generosity again. Take HypnoBirthing class and have a wonderful enjoyable birth, which will not affect your libido.

Libido declines slightly after giving birth fro a period fo time. In the animal world this is the Nature’s way to space the child birthing for a female to keep her healthy and able. After birth the energy to be interested in sex declines and a woman may feel out of sorts in regard to sex and needs partner support.

What May Happen After Birth in Sex:

  • Lactation hormones (oxytocin) are on the rise, it is highest during the lactation period
  • Sex drive hormones (testosterone) are on the decline, it is natural (In the animal world so they don’t eat their child after giving birth)
  • Vaginal dryness instead of naturally additional vaginal fluids during pregnancy
  • Heaviness overall, instead of managing weight easily
  • Over-touched – a woman feels over-touched, while handling the baby, and her need to be touched (as in love-making) by partner declines

How to Start Back of Sex Trackmom, dad, HypnoBirthing class, New York Awareness Center

  • Think sexy thoughts throughout the day
  • Use Self-Hypnosis techniques that you had learned in your HypnoBirthing class
  • Use your hypnotic relaxation recordings
  • Talk about sex, when not talking about babies
  • Buy a good lubricant
  • Get a nice bra
  • Use humor, stimulate your limbic system
  • Schedule love-making into your schedule
  • Meditate
  • Use Mindful Breathing techniques to bring yourself back in the Mood
  • Express Love through generosity toward your partner, acknowledge your partner’s needs, show a good will so the person who you love does not feel left out

Read here about the importance of hormones and their role in our body normal functions

How Hypnosis can help you restart your sex life after giving birth

Sometimes it is difficult to start communication on a delicate subject like – How do we start again?

and while the ways of communication about sex life might need to be creative – many couples found relief in restoring their sex drive while in hypnosis.

Communicate with your husband that

  • you want to be touched in a specific way for a specific time;
  • About a time a place of your desire to make love
  • about what “turns you on” (a mom told me she is turned on by her husband washing the kitchen floor)
  • about that you do want to have sex, even if you have a five-minute window before the baby wakes up, etc.

Communicate with your wife that

  • you love her even more now
  • you love her in all ways
  • she is desirable to you

You hypnotherapist can help you restore your

  • Self Esteem
  • desire for sexual intercourse
  • desire to express yourself to your loved and loving partner
  • teach you ways to prepare your body for sexual activity after baby

Also assist in releasing any holding of past issues or birth trauma

  • Release Abuse
  • Release Birth Trauma
  • Release Cesarian Trauma
  • Healing Circle
  • Post-Traumatic Stress disorder
  • learn Mindful Breathing and Meditation
  • Learn to think yourself sexy and attractive again

To make an appointment with Morrin Bass call 866-522-5886

Helpful Links to read about Sex and Pregnancy:

Article Mayo Clinic

Do you really have to wait?

Sex after pregnancy?

Poetry about Motherhood by Sharon Olds

What to do next: Enroll in HypnoBirthing class with Morrin Bass and be informed.


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